When dependence is good

All my life I’ve tried to be independent – independent in the sense of relying on myself as much as possible to get things done.  As an American, I have been acculturated to value independence as a positive aspect of a strong character.  In addition, my early experiences through the filter of childhood and adolescence taught me to depend on no one, thereby avoiding the crushing realization that in a moment of need I would not find someone I could trust, someone dependable.

As a Muslim, however, I am taught to depend on God.  There are many verses in the Quran that urge the reader to trust and depend on God, such as, “To God belongs the unseen of the heavens and the earth  and every matter shall be returned to Him.  So worship Him and rely on Him.  Your Lord is not unaware of what you do” (11:123).  “If God helps you, no one can defeat you.  If He forsakes you, who can help you besides Him?  So upon God should the believers rely” (3:160).  “Say, ‘Sufficient for me is God.  There is no god but Him.  I have put my trust in Him.  He is the Lord of the Magnificent Throne” (9:129).   “And (He will) provide for him from where he has never conceived. Whoever relies on God – He will suffice him…. (65:3).

I have read the verses many times and, on an intellectual level, I understand them, agree with them, and try to apply them.  I have tried to trust God and depend on Him.  I thought I did.  But every now and then I find myself in a corner, or in grave need, and the verses come to mind.  I hear a gentle message:  “Trust Me.”  And I realize then that I haven’t really been trusting God at all, nor have I been depending on Him.  At least not enough.

Can we trust someone spontaneously?  Or is it something that develops over time?  How do we develop trust in someone?  How long should it take?

In my experience, it takes a long time to trust someone and depend on them – it may take years.  It seems to me that there are different variables in the formula of trust, and the variables should be tested under different conditions to determine their strength or value.  One of the variables is knowledge, and a second one is wisdom.  For example, I wonder if the doctor I confide in with my health concerns has enough knowledge to diagnose the problem and enough wisdom to prescribe the right treatment for me.  Another variable is ability – does the person I am attempting to depend on have the resources, whether tangible or intangible, to support me in my time of need?   The fourth and most important variable is compassion.  I must be convinced that the person I want to trust really cares about me and is intent on thoughtfully providing the exact kind and amount of support I need.  Considering these variables, it seems that depending on someone else can be risky.

However, depending on God should be different.  Although I realize that God is perfect and should not be rated against any manmade criteria, I have had to remind myself of how He deserves my immediate and absolute trust in and dependence on Him.  For one, His knowledge is incomparable.  He knows EVERYTHING!!  –about every cell in my body, about every thought that crosses my mind, about every force in the universe that impacts my life.  I don’t need to describe or explain anything to Him.  Secondly, His ability is absolute.  “He is, over all things, Able” (2:20).  “When He decrees a matter, He says, ‘Be’ and it is!” (3:47).  So I never need to worry that He can’t do something or that it would be hard for Him.  With this knowledge I shouldn’t be impatient or dissatisfied, because not only is God completely in charge of every situation, He is also perfectly wise.  I can rest assured that He knows what He’s doing and that He never makes mistakes.  In fact, being God makes him automatically very deliberate and precise with His acts. With this analysis, it gets easier and easier to trust God and depend on Him for every big and little thing.  And it should be enough.  But there’s more.  He cares about me.  He cares about us.  He describes Himself as “Lord of the Universe, the entirely Merciful, the especially Merciful.”  The word Lord (or rabb in Arabic) has the connotation of one who shelters, nourishes, protects, provides, educates, and shapes us.  God says that He is “closer to [each] one than his jugular vein” (50:16) and that His mercy encompasses all things (7:156).  Particularly for believers who do good, but not exclusively, He is Gentle, Loving, Forbearing, three of many qualities that He uses to describe Himself.  And especially for the believers He promises His help:  “For helping the believers is ever incumbent upon Us” (30:47).

So the variables in the trust formula are optimal for trusting God wholeheartedly and depending on Him utterly.  What stops us?  What stopped me?

For one, I was under the impression that I was knowledgeable and capable enough to be fairly independent and self-reliant.  (That’s not a bad thing if we express gratitude to God for the knowledge and ability whose wellspring is in Him.)  But suddenly I faced a situation that was absolutely out of my control, that I was unable to understand, and that exposed my extreme vulnerability.  I faced myself and all my limitations.  Emotionally, I was brought to my knees.  It is times like these, when we are desperate and frightened, that we call on God.   This time, I thought, I’m going to really trust God, really depend on Him.  And I did.  Whenever worries nagged me, I said, Trust.  When my strength waned, I said, Depend on Him.  As the situation got more complicated, I did not let worries take over.  Trust!!

He didn’t let me down.  For the first time in my life, I felt an amazing, loving, supportive Presence by my side.  Several small occurrences, although appearing ordinary and coincidental to an outsider, proved to me that He meant what He said: “And (He will) provide for him from where he has never conceived. Whoever relies on God – He will suffice him ….” (65:3).  I know He’s been there all the while, but I never leaned enough to feel His strong support.  Now I know that I won’t fall down when I lean toward Him.

Having experienced God’s promise of support – which has evoked a prolonged feeling that cannot be described in words – I have changed.  Never have dependence and neediness felt so good.  By relying on God, I have no doubt that my prayer will be heard, no fear that my need will go unmet, and no crushing feeling that the responsibility is mine and mine alone.   What took me so long to trust my Creator’s knowledge, ability and care, and to rely on Him absolutely?   Having turned a corner, my advice to you is to follow me.  You won’t regret it – trust me 🙂

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